White flag.

Winter is drawing closer every minute. It's amazing how another year has passed almost like a flash from a camera. Rapid and unnoticeable until the shock of arrival. Crazy how many emotions I've felt since the beginning of the year. There are less than six weeks until Christmas. Another holiday alone? Another holiday full of wish lists that are never granted? Another holiday waiting?Thanksgiving is going to be at our door step in just a little over two weeks. That is incredible. Time flies so fast. I'll never understand it. Never. I'm not exactly sure I want to though. It would be saddening to watch time fly. I'd be too busy watching it fly than enjoying the amount I've been given here.

I have so many things to change. I'd like to set a day it will be done, but I don't want to either cut myself short or delay the very well needed changes any further. I used to let time control me, but I've learned how to throw up a white flag and surrender. There is no point in trying to control the uncontrollable. I'd like to forget about all the occurrences time has betrayed me. But after all, time is controlled by the controller who is to us, uncontrollable.

I've been thinking about how I'm going to make a difference. I must begin my journey on success and positive influence. But, I ask myself constantly how am I supposed to help others when I can barely help myself? I guess I could just take my own experiences, even though I'm not fully recovered, and teach with my gained knowledge. I'm not sure if I'm ready to take anyone else on though. I need to get where I'm going before I pick up another traveler to distract me.

There is so much going through my mind! It's like a fish tank full of words, actions, emotions...it's frightfully amazing. I need to get back on my spiritual path. I feel a great load of conviction lately. I need to pick of my baggage and get on with it. It's so tough. But I've heard You get courage from your fears after you've gone through them. I've been wasting so many hours of my life lately. Staying up so late in the night that I can't wake up at a decent hour to live my daily life. I miss being normal! I miss having a set schedule and times to do certain things. I miss being able to have responsibilities. I miss having people count on me. I want my life back. I'm not sure who has taken over, but it's not me. I haven't been taking my medicine. Maybe my medicine should rule my life. Without it, I can't function. Although I hate to admit it, I need it.

Here are some steps I think I should be following in order to get my life back:
1. Remove people who aren't helping me become better.
2. Stick with choices I make, that I know are right.
3. Make a plan. Follow it.
4. Set up priorities. Follow them.
5. Listen and watch entertainment that helps, not hurts.
6. Figure out what's important. Changing times calls for a new list.
7. Exercise body and brain! (This will be one of the hardest for me.)
8. Regain lost spiritual strength.
9. Take out personal time to revamp. Just ME.
10. Reconnect with those I've lost. Mending relieves baggage.
11. Remember morals and never forget or loose them!
12. Don't listen to the negative. Pray on the positive.
13. Create new hobbies and things to take up spare (possible negative) time.
14. Don't dwell on the past. It's done.

This will all be hard work, but I know it'll be worth it in the end. I'm tired of feeling worthless and useless. It's time to come back to earth. I don't want to crash and burn anymore. I want to fly and soar. I want to love and live. I want to laugh and smile.

I figured out somewhat of my relationship issues. I am in love. I really am. However, I have decided to let it ride. Whatever happens, happens. By revamping my life, I'll make the right decision when time decides. I also realized I want love. I want to be loved. I also realized, I want my next relationship to be different. I don't want a hassle. I don't want baggage with it. I want peace and serenity and I want happiness not a bunch of sadness and worry and fear and heartache. I am so tired of that. I think I'm going to be careless to the point I care. I know that life is what you make it. I know that. Lately, I've been making my life hell. I'm going to change all that and make it something great and enjoyable.

Surrender your troubles and ride life's roller coaster.

Comments

Fireblossom said…
Hello, Sharon :-)

I am not sure what your particular issues are, but after reading your post, I am wishing you all the best in your recovery. As a recovering person myself, I know that it can be done, lives can change. Good luck!!!
November 17, 2009 at 7:33 AM
SharoninWonderland said…
Hi Fireblossom,

Thank you for reading!!! And thank you for the wishes! I am recovering from severe depression, btw.

Have a great weekend!
November 20, 2009 at 12:14 AM
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