I beg him, please.

I remember exactly where I was on January 1, 2010. Today is October 20, 2010 and so very much has changed since the beginning of the year. If you sit back and really look at time, a few things can really enter the mind. One can view time as long and gruesome or one can view time as short and reckless. I don't want to view time as either. 10 months has passed since the beginning of the year. The seasons have already changed from spring to summer...and now to fall. Fall normally is the time of the year when I am at my highest peak. It is indeed my favorite time of the year and for once in my life...not even fall feels right. I anticipated October more than ever this year... and it's already almost over. November and December are almost here and I'm hoping these last three months can pick me up before the new year rolls around. Some might conclude that I have seasonal depression...and that may in fact be correct...but to me it's just normal. It's how I've always been and it's how I like it honestly. To me, normal is just a dryer setting. I couldn't ever be ok with being normal, but that's how I feel lately. I feel normal. The sound of that really just makes me sick.

I haven't been writing at all the past few months. That really disturbs me. Writing is really the only thing that keeps me sane. I guess that would explain the latest dose of insanity wouldn't it? It's been two years since the big heartbreak. The date actually rolled around this year and I didn't even realize it until a few days after. That either means that I really am over it completely or I'm so out of it that I can't even face reality. I'm pretty sure it's the first one. However, other relations have occurred since my last entry. Back in July, I finally got to be with my best friend. He is such an amazing person and I would die for him. We dated for almost 2 months and then it kind of hit rock bottom. He ended the relationship for personal reasons in which I do completely respect. We still have feelings for each other and it's quite clear as day. I am hoping things turn out in the best interest. He will always be my best friend and I really can't see my life without him...in any aspect. I'm hoping he realizes the same thing.

I hope everyone is doing well and just know I never forget about you guys. You have been there for me since November of 2008 when I started this blog and we have been through an amazing journey that I am very proud to have experienced with you. I'm not ready to leave to just yet. I've only just begun.