You decide.

This past week has been a hard one. Turns out that "cold thing" was the flu. I'm feeling better but the nasal and chest congestion is still suffocating me. Hopefully with medicince, rest, and prayer, I will recover rapidly before Christmas. I went Christmas shopping a little the other day (which is ONE reason I am sicker; being out in the cold and fanning around more or less...) and I tell you I couldn't hardly walk through the stores! I only hit three stores because I got so fed up with all the craziness. I'll have to finish up this week sometimes when all the crazies are working! I got all my Christmas cards ready to be sent out, but they've been sitting on my desk for almost a week because I haven't been near the post office. I really should stop procrastinating and mail them already. It would be strange for people to receive a card around New Year's, eh? I'm off of school until mid-January-ish. Spring semester starts back up and I couldn't be more ready.

Several vital things happened to me this week. Two, of which, hurt me. Both are dealing with those wonderful creatures we have learned to call men. The word men is becoming a horrid acronym for me lately. (Maliferous Eldritch Nuisances)

The guy I was engaged to in July is the first thing I will tell you about. I'm really going to spill my heart on this one, as it is the most hurtful to me. I haven't seen him in about two months. I broke up with him as I stated in latter posts for reasons of his irresponsibility, among other things. No matter how much I want to hate him for the crap he's done, I can't. But now, I cut off ALL ties with him, completely;once and for all. He always promises me he is going to come down (he lives about 45 minutes away in Texas) and take me out and do this and that and this and that and this and BLAH! I continued to talk to him with the hope of trying again for a relationship as he promised to change. Day after day he is so wishy washy with me about very simple things. He would be all lovey dovey one day and the next ignore my calls or not call me for a day or more. I spent SO much money on him when he lived with me for a few months this past summer because he was out of a job, and he has yet to even pay for a f*****g date through five months. I had really had enough a few weeks ago, but he finally "got his first check from the new job" and promised me all day he was coming down to take me Christmas shopping and to go out. I actually believed him (again) and had my hopes all up. You must remember I've been through this about 15 times in 2 months. Later that day, I was out shopping, and he called me, drunk. I was so mad!! He said him and his brother and sister-in-law were coming down to a club in my city that night. I didn't really want to go to the club (I decided to change my life and live a better way) but was going to so I could see him. I waited for him to call back with all the details and he never would!! I texted him over and over and called and he kept putting me off and off and off!!! I got SO mad that around 6 or 7 that night I called and left the meanest (surprisingly with less than 5 curse words...yea it was HARD!) voice-mail (since he was ignoring me) telling him not to contact me again and that I was tired of the lies and disappointment and bull! He still didn't text or call me back. I then texted him if he ever wanted to talk to me again to call me asap. Still, no response. I wait a few minutes and end up blowing up his phone with calls trying to just piss him off. Again, nothing. That was it. I was done at that point. Today, almost TWO DAYS LATER, not a dammed thing. Not a call, not a text, not an e-mail, and probably not a thought. He claimed to love me so much and never want to loose me every day yet treats me like utter horse crap. I don't think so!! I am officially done with that loser. ONCE AND FOR ALL. I deleted all his numbers and family's numbers so I can't call them to find out where he is and everything pertaining to him to allow me to contact him at all. That chapter in the book of my life is now, finished.

The second thins that hurt me (not as bad as the first) is another ex of mine, whom I referred to in the post "Star of the Show." We are friends, and have been since I broke up last December. However, we started hanging out more and more lately, and those old feelings were re-kindled. Tonight, we went out around town looking at Christmas lights together. We ended up talking about all the things I wanted to ask him. It was hard opening up to about how I felt about him and asking him how he felt about me. In conclusion, he thinks he is going crazy. Literally. He is so hurt and confused by what his ex is doing (as he still loves her) that he doesn't feel ready for a relationship with anyone else. He also said he doesn't feel stable to be with anyone. Financially and mentally and emotionally, I presume. He is so confused about what to do in life, that he thinks it isn't fair to commit to someone knowing he can't give it his all. I do respect his decision, but it still hurts. I told him I wasn't wanting a relationship right now, but was just asking if he even had any feelings for me. He said yes, but he is trying not to think about it because he doesn't know what to do anymore. I've been where he has, and I know it's hard. I'll be there for him as much when he needs to the friend I need to be; even if it hurts.

I went to church this morning and that was probably the only good thing about my day. After church, a few of us went to my best friend's house to watch the New Orleans Saints game! 13-0 baby!! "Who dat, who dat!?" :) Just a few more and we might be going to the SUPERBOWL! *crosses fingers* Another good thing did happen that I just thought about. An old friend of mine, one I posted about loosing him, came back into my life once more. He is truly an amazing guy and is one of my best friends. We had a radio show together, which caused the brim of our latest fight, and I left the show. He asked me back today, and I said yes. I am really excited to have him in my life again and to begin our show together as a duo again. We work GREAT together and have great Chemistry. I actually thought for the longest that I loved him. Some parts of me still thinks about it. I won't dwell too much on that, as it's very unlikely of happening.

All in all, I got a best friend back, had a little fun, and learned a little bit more about the WONDERLAND of this thing we call life...