I'm on a journey.

Today marks exactly six months since the day the love of my life officially ended our relationship.

How do I feel?

I am able to sustain the emotions. I haven't cried at all and to be honest, I didn't even realize it was so, well so, soon. I've been doing fantastic. I DO NOT want any relationship at all. I haven't dated for a few months and I am really happy. I don't feel the need to have a man in my life. I am just, so happy! I do miss him, alot, from time to time. I am however, very proud of myself. I have come such a long way. It has been a very hard road for me and those around me. First I was completely heartbroken. Then that changed into anger. The anger soon subsided and sadness took it's course. After that, depression. That lasted the longest. Now, it is just, numbness. There's not really an emotion to it. I just, exist without him, nothing really more. I live day to day and that's it. I haven't mended my social life or my emotional life all the way just yet, but it's a journey. I'm on a journey. I know can see clear. I can look into the mirror and realize, life is shitty sometimes, but it's okay. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I am still standing, standing strongly at that.

Of course, I wonder if he realizes what today marks. I'm sure he doesn't. I haven't spoken face to face with him since January. We briefly communicated through text in early April. That is all. Nothing more. No emotion from him. None from me. It's just numb. I guess being numb is better than being completely sad. I know this journey isn't even half way over yet. It's going to last my entire life. The pain will always co-exist with my happiness, but I'm okay with that. 

I know that I'm alive when I feel pain, and when I don't feel it anymore, I'll be in a better place anyway.



Comments

Sage Ravenwood said…
Once you get by the pain dear friend everything else starts to fall into place. I truly do believe there is an equal measure of sorrow with the joy. Imagine what waits for you now You're in my thoughts sweetie. (Hugs)Indigo
May 1, 2009 at 4:28 PM
Melissa said…
glad ur getting better
May 2, 2009 at 9:55 PM
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