Fact vs. Fiction

My spiritual walk has been decreasing day by day. One minute I get so caught up in the word of God, and the next I think twice of his existence. This poem represents what and how I am feeling when it comes to the truth of God and how I tell myself he is really there... or not there.

Eternal

The presence of you lingers

I cannot tell if it is real

or if it's just made up

something I merely want to feel.

When the sun shines,

I can almost see you there,

and all I want to know

is if you really even care.

I am not the only one

who craves for your attention,

there are plenty of other humans,

who also want to be mentioned.

Your opposite tells me different,

or is it really all the same.

He sings a different song to me,

one of heartbreak, fear, and pain.

The one I hear from you,

seems to have a different melody.

I try to listen closer 

to hear what you are telling me.

When I try to hear you deeper,

a shattering scream appears.

One of hate, desperation, and

of course, warm liquid tears.

The salty solution falls onto the

book in which you are written,

yet everytime I get to your truth,

there he comes changing my decision.

Yelling in my head that nothing

that great can be so real,

I start to question you,

and then I cannot even feel.

I shut you off and break you down

to everyone one I know.

Even though you did nothing more,

than die for my sinning soul.