Read my lips.

I am having a bad day. I went to class, all day, for once and it made me never want to go back. People are so rude and insipid. I called in sick to work, went to Beaumont, TX with my best friend and bought hair color and went home, which was stupid because Beaumont is an hour away. I guess I just wanted to drive and get away from the same old roads and the same old faces. I dyed my hair black, again. I like it. It's classy, and it's also shorter. Different. Unique.

I'm having some trouble lately. I want love again. I want to be able to be in love with someone. The guy I'm with, gives me the vibe that he is incapable of loving. Yeah, he's nice and holds my hand and kisses me, and that's it. Literally, nothing more. Now, I'm all for taking it slow and all that, but I'm getting bored and impatient. I've tried talking to him and he just says "that's the way I am." I don't know if I have room for advancement, you know? I mean, is this a complete waste of time? Am I getting anything out of this? I'm so aggravated with it to be honest.

I have a shitload of work due for class tomorrow, and I'm not even going to do it. I really don't care. I'm just so strung out and tired of the same old crap. It's like, blah. I've been taking my medicine and everything I just don't want to do anything. Or,more or less, I want to do things I'm not doing maybe?

I want someone to love me unconditionally. Give me their time. Want to spend time with me. Shows me sacrifices to be with me. Give me things to be surprised about. BE affectionate towards me. Be romantic and exotic. AS, I will do the same for them, however:

*I'm not getting this.

*I am not happy.

*I know I could do better.

*I realize that I am ignorant for wasting my time,

BUT, there is just something about this guy I like. Something about him makes me get chills inside when I hear his voice. I want to be in love, but I'm scared t even try because I feel as if I won't get it in return, or he will run away from it and everything will be ruined.

I don't know what to do. Should I just cut my losses and be single and independent? Or should I KEEP giving this a try and see what happens? I'm almost miserable. Here's the thing, when we spend time together it's great, it's when I don't see him or talk to him when I get doubts.

He has a job where we works alot. He's a family and friend man. He values that. Now, not saying it's a bad thing, I just feel like I don't have a place in all that.

-Read my Lips-

Where did we go wrong,

why does this last so long?

The first taste on my lips,

makes me want nothing but your kiss.

The vague and shadowed waters,

seem nothing but a jump.

The tears that fall around me,

bring me to this bump.

The ice cold underneath,

puts my heart beneath,

the surface of the shoreline,

but makes me want to see the skyline.

I want nothing but to feel,

the innocence of the deal.

The promise that you made me,

has faded and is mouldy.

The words you wrote back then,

the songs you sang again,

are nothing more than memories,

nothing more you have given me.

All in all, I am so confused and baffled. I have no idea. Honestly, I miss my ex-love. My boyfriend can't even come close to what he did for me. I try not to cry or tear up, but I'll admit, I'm in denial, I'm not over him.