A daylight robbery.

Have you ever just had such a bizarre day that you really can't even find any sort of explanation for it? I had one of those today. I set three alarms this morning. One for 6:45, one for 6:55, and one for 7:00. Normally, I wake up to them and lie in bed for a few minutes and look around and plan my day. Well today, I remember them going off, looking around, and the falling back asleep. I woke up again at 10:47 and I couldn't believe it. I got up, went to the bathroom, and went straight back to sleep, like a zombie. Even if I would have wanted to get up I don't think my body or my mind, whichever was in control, would have let me. I laid back down and woke up again at 4:17. I completely missed school and everything I had planned for today. The bizarre thing about today was that when my eyes opened, I felt like I was somewhere else. I couldn't move out of bed. I honestly, felt like I had been dead.

Now that I look back, it really scares the shit out of me. I had no control over anything I did today. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary like drugs, or alcohol, or anything else. I just couldn't function normally. I couldn't get up, I couldn't think. Honestly, it felt really good. I couldn't think about anything. I didn't want to think. I didn't feel the need to think. 

It was sort of like a daylight robbery. I was supposed to be up and functioning in society, but I was robbed by that. Does this mean I robbed myself? I really can't find another explanation for it...

When I finally got out of bed around 4:30, it was so weird. I got into my car and lit a cigarette and began backing out of my driveway and I just couldn't believe the day was over, but I hadn't even started mine yet. I was driving down the main road out in the country and the sun had begun to set. The sunset was so amazingly beautiful. There are several power plants where I live and it was so beautiful seeing them puff their smoke and stand so tall against the colored sky. The colors blended so well together. There was yellow, red, pink, and purple swirls in the entire sky. I will never forget it.

I finally finished reading the first book, Twilight. I am so intrigued by it, I cannot even express it in words. The way it is written is so incredibly vivid. It's almost better than Harry Potter! I am beginning to think it is. I can't wait to see the movie. I really wanted to read the book first, so I went out and bought Twilight and New Moon; the first two in the series. I am so into it. I love it. I absorb everything. But most of all, I want it. I want the love that Edward and Bella have. It's so real! I used to have it, and I lost it.

At that note, my boyfriend and I have been together officially about two and a half weeks. Not very long, but yet long enough to get a feel for things. He isn't a very affectionate type, something I am used to, and this is hard for me to adapt to. I really don't think he could ever love me. He just cuts off all his emotions to me. Sure, he is there when I need him, but he values family and friends more than anything else. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that I don't really have an importance it seems. He says I do, but he never shows it. There is much going on in both of our lives and I was completely ready to be in a new relationship in the beginning, but now I kind of am getting bored with him. Nothing is new and interesting. It's always something depressing going on with him. I don't know if I should just cut it off with him, or keep trying. I really like him very much but the thing is if you asked me why, I couldn't tell you. There really is nothing special about him to like! He's just like everyone else. Nothing different. In my last serious relationship, if you asked me why I loved/liked him, I could write a book on it. In this one, I really can't name much. I just can't help but wonder why. I really want to fall in love again. I know I don't need it to be happy, but I will openly admit, when I was in love everything was enhanced and better, and now it's just better. Nothing is enhanced and we all know that when things are good, its okay, but when they're enhanced and good...there is much more to smile about.