I'm on a one way street.

After dinner this evening, I was thinking about all the individuals I know who can't get someone out of their mind, for one reason or the other. I can relate to this, but many people want to find someone for the wrong reasons.

My father's friend has a few younger kids, around the age of fourteen. They came over today, and were hanging out with me. We talked and she was telling me about her boyfriend and such and I found out that she just lies to her parents about everything. She is, fourteen, and this kid she's "dating" is somewhere around sixteen or eighteen. The adjective she kept using to describe him was "hot." Hot this, hot that. No, no, no. I saw exactly through this mechanism of her "dating" and I just was appalled. You don't date or look at someone because they are "hot." Looks aren't going to get you anywhere when years from now you try to hold a stable relationship with someone. Looks are important, but should not be the base of any type of relationship. 

So, this made me realize what types of people are in the world. It also made me realize that kids these days are just...insipid. Just, clearly out of their mind. Has it always been that way? Throughout the generations, were the "pre-teens" always so ignorant? So...materialistic? 

This also led me to change my views on how I really thought about relationships. They take work, simple. They also take dedication and time. But most importantly they take, FAITH, HOPE, AND COURAGE. Faith that you can prevail. Hope that you can succeed. Courage for putting your heart on the line to begin with. I used to have all those things and more with someone special.

Everything I do, say, hear, think, and see remind me of him. Even though I know it will never be different, even if we were together again, I get joy just thinking about the good times we had together. He made me smile, when nothing in the world else ever could. You know, I don't know what the future holds for me, I really don't. But, I do hope it holds happiness for me.

I believe in fate. Destiny. No circumstance. I don't play with dice, and I don't think all things just happen. They happen for a reason. The way we were born to be. So, when people die of horrible deaths, and who led miserable UNHAPPY lives...did they choose it? Or was that just the way they were supposed to be? I think to myself, why would one choose to be unhappy? But, maybe one man's unhappiness, is another man's happiness...

In short, I want to live the best life I can... I want to live a road on a one way street. No turning back. 

When I was very young, all the other girl's spoke of weddings, and children, and all that jazz. I never, honestly, pictured myself being married. I never wanted to be. I just wanted to graduate, move out into the BIG city, go to college, become a coroner, and live alone in an apartment. I never felt the need to posses a big white house with a red front door, blue shutters, and a tire swing in the front, with a dog running around a white picket fence. I know I was born to be a city girl. Growing up in Louisiana, doesn't really help, but it's what is in the heart that counts. Sure, love is beautiful and I would love to have true love, again, but today's time doesn't seem to be on my side for it. The stars just aren't aligning for me in that area. And you know something? I'm OK with it. Completely. Being alone used to bother me...but now, growing up, I cherish it. My alone time is the way I want to die.